*on first date*
"I'll have what she's having"
"I'm sorry sir but the lady hasn't ordered yet"
"Excellent. The check whenever you're ready"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 17, 2015
Sex is like money: other people have it
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 17, 2015
"One last time: does anyone know the wifi password?" – Me, at an orgy
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 16, 2015
KICKSTARTER 20 YEARS AGO:
Me: What if dogs finally had snorkels? That'll be $20 please.
Friend: Are you literally having a stroke right now?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 15, 2015
*job interview*
"It says here you're amazing at- I can't really make that out."
"Can I see?"
"Yes"
"Oh, it says deciphering the impossible"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 13, 2015
Is that a YELP review you're writing or are you just unhappy to be anywhere?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2015