*tries to push 2014 out of moving car*
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 11, 2014
OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
ME: "You believe in love at first sight too."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 10, 2014
hey drink you don't need an umbrella you're a drink
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 10, 2014
Do we even need New Year's Eve this year? Literally all we've done is drop the ball.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 8, 2014
I'm writing a sequel to GONE GIRL but it's about dogs. It's called HERE BOY.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 8, 2014
imagine coming home and finding a dolphin in your bathtub after you specifically barred all aquatic creatures from the second floor
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 7, 2014