If you drop a penny at WHOLE FOODS it costs $39.99 to pick it back up.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 22, 2014
Current anxiety level: ostrich in quicksand
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 21, 2014
"PUT DOWN THE GUN!"
"Gun, you ugly and come from a broken home."
"THAT WAS PERFECT BUT PHYSICALLY PUT IT DOWN."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 20, 2014
Most of my mortal enemies are dead, in jail, or just graduated second grade.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 18, 2014
Nothing more American than getting excited about a sport we don't really give a shit about.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 17, 2014
Being an adult means learning how to roll your eyes on the inside
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 16, 2014