Girl are you Sochi cuz you made superficial improvements on the outside but are completely broken inside and hate a lot of my friends
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 11, 2014
In Sochi, the hotels are rated by stars but it's the number you can see from the collapsed roof while you try and sleep at night.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 9, 2014
BREAKING: Russia deems Bronze Medal as "too gay," replaces with a picture of a statue of a sullen horse looking at cold soup
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 8, 2014
"What is this?"
"That's a rainbow, Mr. Putin."
"Tear down the sky."
"Sir, you can't possib-
*gun clicks*
"Tear. It. Down."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 8, 2014
You don't have to be alone on Valentine's Day if you get into taxidermy today.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 7, 2014
"THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL!" – Glenn Close, after every call
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 6, 2014