"We're all in the same boat," he yelled from his yacht. I smiled, nodded, and kept paddling my canoe.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 11, 2013
Internet trolls should have to answer three riddles about sex before they're allowed to torment you online.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 7, 2013
"Daddy, why are we here?"
"I told you son, God has a plan for us all."
*puts on ski mask, looks at bank*
"Keep the car running."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 4, 2013
Marathon? Big deal. I run from my problems every day and you don't see people handing me free water.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 4, 2013
"Ok. Breathe. Retrace your steps. You went to the beach, carried that dude, had ribs for the first time.." – God loses his keys
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 2, 2013
damn girl are you my ballet routine cuz i just want to nail you in front of a bunch of judges
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 1, 2013