I can relate to blenders because I also scream while I'm doing my job.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 15, 2018
Slowly, in front of its family pic.twitter.com/s7DvGQSeNz
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 13, 2018
I won’t be happy until they put tiny people in these tiny chairs opening an even tinier pizza box filled with a tinier table, chairs, and people opening a microscopic pizza box filled with microscopic tables, chairs and people opening a pizza box that’s only seen on a molecula- https://t.co/CYtW8IPLQ1
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 28, 2018
I untied Betsy DeVos’ yacht but it’s only because it was in public water and it deserved to be in chartered water.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2018
CAPITALISM: All you have to do is work every day at a job you hate the rest of your life so you can scrape by until you die
ME: Will it make me happy?
CAPITALISM: No but you get to buy a bunch of shiny things you don’t really need
ME: Will those make me happy?
CAPITALISM: Also no— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 24, 2018
I like to dream that in the U.K. the Dollar Store is called Pound Town.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 23, 2018