Steal pictures of your friend's dog & put up 'Missing!' posters. Complete strangers will accost your friend. Ted will learn who's in charge.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 5, 2013
At a gay bar with my roommate. There is glitter and cum all over my phone. I should have washed it off before I came here.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2013
You can have your cake and eat it too. IT'S YOUR CAKE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 1, 2013
"Who made your dress?" "Asian kids probably." #Oscars
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 25, 2013
The PS4 has already revolutionized the way video game systems use hyperbole.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 22, 2013
The wind is howling like Paula Deen's lungs after walking a whole flight of stairs.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 18, 2013