When I die I'm donating my body to science but only if they promise to use it as a piñata.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 4, 2018
okay, I'm excited about Westworld again pic.twitter.com/b4AqQ54hZD
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2018
Well, now we finally know who Trump is going to shoot in the face on 5th Avenue.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2018
KANYE (tweeting): STAR WARS is just stupid. You never even find out who Luke’s father is. That’s some bullshit
JOHN LEGEND (texting): Ye, you need to finish watching the movie
*two hours later*
KANYE (tweeting): FAM! I got some news about Darth Vader!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2018
Jackie Chan’s full name is Jaccuzi Channing Tatum.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2018
“Comedians should stick to telling jokes! No, not like that…”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2018