Being sober feels like someone else released you from a jail cell that you sat in for years only to realize the door was unlocked the entire time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2018
Taking a break from Twitter taught me some invaluable lessons:
• No one cares if you leave
• No one cares if you come back
• This isn’t reality
• None of this matters
• It’s a toxic habit that has melted my brain like an Andes mint on the sun
• I’ll never leave again— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2018
What a beautiful day to stay inside reading tweets about what a gorgeous day outside it is by people staying inside.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 14, 2018
World War Pee
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 14, 2018
Please hurry up, Robert Mueller. It feels like America wore a wire to a drug deal, with the safe word "bumblebee" to get the cops to rush in but it's been 3 hours and now the dealers are grilling us about why we keep saying bumblebee while they pull out sharper and sharper knives
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 12, 2018
*analyzing*
*analysis complete: not toast:*
ZUCKERBERG: "Hello, Not Toast" pic.twitter.com/FrBTGVqWTH— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 11, 2018