No Christmas presents this year kids, Santa is an immigrant with no legal documentation to prove he's not part of ISIS.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2016
I don't have FOMO, I have, "Oh no." That's where you go to a party or event and realize it's terrible and remember why you always stay in.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2016
A partridge AND a pear tree? In this economy???
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2016
"These violent delights have violent ends." pic.twitter.com/5efEXJ9pXK
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) December 1, 2016
BABY BOOMER'S DREAM: I'll own a house with my lovely spouse & send our kids to college
MY DREAM: I hope the Earth implodes while I'm asleep
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) November 29, 2016
I can't handle any more fake news right now pic.twitter.com/iBxxlgW7S0
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) November 29, 2016