We need to play more head games with ISIS. Have we delivered them pizzas they haven't ordered yet? That'll drive them absolutely bananas.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 27, 2016
DENTIST: When was the last time you flossed?
ME: On the advice of counsel I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 27, 2016
I relate to R2D2 because I often feel like a misunderstood, sassy garbage can that doesn't know what to do with all the info it's been given
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 25, 2016
Joe Biden believes in your Second Amendment right to carry finger guns anywhere you damn please in America. pic.twitter.com/Lh5S63VnWX
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 23, 2016
"Honey, I know we've only known each other for a little while but-"
*gets down on one knee*
"-will you protest the national anthem with me?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 22, 2016
https://twitter.com/SamGrittner/status/789301006882439168