why haven't we sent paul blart to fight isis?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 10, 2015
Inkling sounds like a baby octopus
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 8, 2015
"I need a giraffe prevention kit."
"We only sell ceiling fans here."
"Exactly."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 7, 2015
*job interview*
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Terraforming on Mars."
"So, Starbucks is basically your stop-gap?"
"Correct."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 5, 2015
I keep a thesaurus under my bed in case someone tries to break in and rob me, that way I can apprise the conventional authorities posthaste.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 4, 2015
Happy March 32nd!
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 1, 2015