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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on October 25, 2013October 29, 2013

I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 25, 2013

Posted on October 24, 2013October 29, 2013

Sandra Bullock is so method that in order to prepare for her role in GRAVITY, she drove cross country wearing a diaper.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 24, 2013

Posted on October 23, 2013October 29, 2013

This is actually Kanye West's second marriage, as he's been divorced from reality for many years now.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 23, 2013

Posted on October 22, 2013October 29, 2013

"Do you accept God into your life? As your one true savior?"
"Yes."
(Kanye Proposing)

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 22, 2013

Posted on October 21, 2013October 29, 2013

Once gay marriage is passed in all fifty states I wonder if there will be Civil Union re-enactors.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 22, 2013

Posted on October 20, 2013October 29, 2013

The greatest thing about not having dead homies is that you get to enjoy ALL of your delicious beverage.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 20, 2013

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