I want a woman who is
– Sexy
– Sturdy
– Flexible
– Funny
– Ergonomic
– Provides emotional support
– Provides lumbar support
– Doesn’t break when I sit on her
– Is definitely not a chair
– Has five wheels attached to her base— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 26, 2019
I’m just looking for a woman that’s
• always chill
• loves pizza
• into the occult
• has no problem bludgeoning me to death
• will bring me back from the dead just to have sex with me before she kills me again
• cries blood
• is 100% a witch
• did I mention PIZZA?! ???— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 23, 2019