I'm here to do eight things:
1) Nothing
2) Reverse-Pyschology
3) Eat gum
4) Get amnesia
Why do I have all this gum. Who are you?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 2, 2013
I bet Morgan Freeman calls his answering machine just to listen to the sweet, intoxicating sound that is his voice.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 31, 2013
It weirds me the fuck out that Will Smith is raising his Looper.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 30, 2013
Crumbs in your bed is the worst because you're completely surrounded by food but no you aren't.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 29, 2013
If you sync up the new DAFT PUNK album to the new ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT episodes, you can hear crystal clear just how white you are.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 25, 2013
The Xbox One will completely revolutionize how quickly our children will get diabetes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2013