Sometimes I talk in italics and people are none the wiser.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 6, 2013
"I want to wear an umbrella on my head that could also smuggle a dinosaur egg." – Inventor of the sombrero
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 5, 2013
I don't get the big deal about prison. Just befriend the guy who looks like Morgan Freeman and get some posters.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2013
Girl are you the restrictive family-planning guidelines from China cuz there is only one of you
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Steve Buscemi always looks like he just saw himself in a mirror for the first time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Chemical weapons scare the shit out of me. Especially AXE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2013