POLICE OFFICER: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
ME (nervously): No, sir…
POLICE OFFICER: Well, it was worth a shot. Thanks!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 10, 2017
*Christopher Columbus is playing baseball*
ANNOUNCER: "He steals first base!"
"2nd base!"
"He's stolen home!"
"He's renamed the stadium?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 9, 2017
The plural of quinoa is keanu.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 5, 2017
The scariest thing to be for Halloween this year is ok with the status quo.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 2, 2017
Real vs. Cosplay pic.twitter.com/4Ayxh3Pj8x
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 30, 2017
Went to pay for my coffee with my debit card and the barista said, “Chip in please.” I said, “I’m paying for the whole thing!” We high-fived
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 29, 2017