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Sam Grittner.COM

Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Tag: Kill me

Posted on October 12, 2017October 13, 2017

I wish outrage was better for my skin.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 12, 2017

Posted on July 30, 2016August 2, 2016

My favorite thing about cats is their default sleeping position is "Just murdered waiting to be chalk outlined" pic.twitter.com/IuGx6R1fp8

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 30, 2016

Posted on July 11, 2016July 27, 2016

*reads headline that begins "Chewbacca Mom"*
*spends afternoon googling cost of medically induced comas*

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 11, 2016

Posted on April 20, 2016April 26, 2016

Age 21: "No one can tell me what to do!"
Age 31: "Someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do."
Age 41: "Whatever. That'll do."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 20, 2016

Posted on January 30, 2016February 3, 2016

IS A COMEDY CAREER RIGHT FOR YOU?
1) Can you feel?
2) Do you hate yourself with a passion?
3) Are you satisfied with never being satisfied?

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 31, 2016

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