KELLYANNE CONWAY REPLACEMENTS:
• Egg avatar
• Compass that points in wrong direction
• Eye of Sauron
• Slenderman
• Congenial burning cross— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 15, 2017
SECURE JOBS FOR THE NEXT 4 YEARS:
• Therapist
• Bartender
• Door-to-door hand grenade salesperson
• Inventor of new cusses
• Bounty Hunter— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 11, 2016
TO-DO TODAY:
• Escape through food
• Watch the world burn
• Question my true motives
• Repeat same mistakes with different people
• Not die— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 30, 2016
Fun Dirty Phrases:
"Shined the dinkler"
"Gammied the old scrullem"
"Twiddled me nanners"
"Mulched my bollud"
"Splerped so gelping much"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 29, 2014
PASTE MAGAZINE: Top 75 Twitter Accounts of 2014
The extremely nice people at PASTE MAGAZINE put me on a list of the top seventy-five twitter accounts of 2014. I’m #51 which is rather fitting for a middle child like myself. Much like owl-wrestling and turnips for breakfast, this was a complete surprise to me. I’m blown away to be surrounded by the best, peers and heroes alike, and thankful that anyone reads what I write at all. FOLLOW ME ON MYSPACE!!!