Skip to content

Sam Grittner

  • Home
    • Resume
    • Contact
  • Schedule
  • Writing
    • Joke of the Day
      • Tweets I Sometimes Enjoy
    • Published Works
    • Lists
    • Essays
    • TONIGHT ON ‘GIRLS’
  • Pictures
    • Headshots
    • Funny Friends
    • Drawings
    • Photos For Sale
  • Podcasts
  • We’re All Gonna Die Tonight!
  • Video

Tag: Murder

Posted on October 24, 2019November 8, 2019

AOC: Is murder bad?

MARK ZUCKERBERG: Congresswoman, there are a multitude of factors that go into a decision like that and I, we- clearly in some instances… Look, hurricanes murder people, who are we to judge the wind?

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 25, 2019

Posted on December 15, 2018August 8, 2019

I don’t trust anyone who actually saves room for dessert. If you’re disciplined and calculating enough to be able to withhold instant gratification from food because you’re thinking five steps ahead, you’re clearly also capable of murder.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 16, 2018

Posted on March 22, 2018March 25, 2018

I’m just too lazy to commit murder. Who has the time to get rid of a body, come up with an alibi, and dispose of the weapon? I’d spend three weeks on Amazon picking out the rug to roll them up in, then when it came, decide it fits the room perfectly and have to order another one.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 22, 2018

Posted on November 22, 2016November 28, 2016

GOOD COP: Tell me what happened to the body & we all go home
PHILOSOPHER COP: Why are we here?
SUSPECT: We're here 'cuz I killed my- oh shit

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2016

Posted on August 19, 2013August 23, 2013

The moment I hesitated when they asked me if I'd be willing to kill a person in cold blood, I knew I didn't get the job at the DMV.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 19, 2013

  • Home
  • Schedule
  • Writing
  • Pictures
  • Podcasts
  • We’re All Gonna Die Tonight!
  • Video
Proudly powered by WordPress