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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Tag: Sex

Posted on July 13, 2018July 30, 2018

Anybody want to '96 tonight? That's where you listen to 'Wonderwall' and pretend like you have an economic future.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 13, 2018

Posted on March 25, 2018March 30, 2018

If you had told me on the day Trump was elected that not even two years into his Presidency he’d be embroiled in a sex scandal with a porn star who knows how to outmaneuver him I would’ve looked you square in the eyes and said, “That sounds about right.”

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 25, 2018

Posted on January 18, 2018

New Curriculum For Public Schools:
• How to make a budget
• Why @-ing is always a bad idea
• Cooking nutritious meals at home
• The nuances of sex and consent
• The etiquette of eating ass
• Skimming an article isn’t reading it
• Don’t put that in your mouth it’s poison

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 18, 2018

Posted on October 11, 2016October 18, 2016

Never say the phrase "sexual conquest," unless you rode upon a mighty steed and thusly slayed a dragon before a Princess granted consent.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 11, 2016

Posted on August 21, 2016August 22, 2016

Donald Trump's favorite sex position is reverse-racism.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 21, 2016

Posted on April 18, 2016April 26, 2016

No matter who wins tomorrow remember one thing: Donald Trump wants to fuck his daughter.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 18, 2016

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