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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Tag: Star Wars

Posted on May 1, 2018May 2, 2018

KANYE (tweeting): STAR WARS is just stupid. You never even find out who Luke’s father is. That’s some bullshit
JOHN LEGEND (texting): Ye, you need to finish watching the movie
*two hours later*
KANYE (tweeting): FAM! I got some news about Darth Vader!

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2018

Posted on December 16, 2017December 27, 2017

Lol at movie theaters that search your bag for snacks. Please give me more credit than that, I’m 35-years-old (I’m about to see STAR WARS and I have two different cheese plates duct-taped to my thighs).

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 16, 2017

Posted on July 9, 2017September 9, 2017

EMPEROR PALPATINE: "Submit to your fear"
ME: "Done. Oh and I got one of those robes. What next?"
EP: "Uh, I forget. Usually people won't."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 9, 2017

Posted on October 25, 2016October 26, 2016

I relate to R2D2 because I often feel like a misunderstood, sassy garbage can that doesn't know what to do with all the info it's been given

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 25, 2016

Posted on February 27, 2016March 7, 2016

Wait wait wait….. if there are gay characters in "Star Wars" what's next? Swords made out of lasers? Robots that talk? Outer space?

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 28, 2016

Posted on December 18, 2015December 26, 2015

Boba Fett's real name is Roberta Fettuccine.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 18, 2015

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