I put my pants on like anybody else: when I absolutely have to and not always then
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 30, 2015
I want to be an assassin but for killing people with kindness.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 28, 2015
How many times did your Apple products update themselves because of bugs this year? How many times have we updated gun laws this year?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 27, 2015
If you live in a city thousands of miles away from your family today, remember that most people will never be as lucky as you. Don't gloat.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 26, 2015
MISSED CONNECTION: You were the exorcist at my niece's quinceañera
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 26, 2015
Depression convinces you that you're the absolute best at being the absolute worst.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 25, 2015