BEST WAYS TO BREAKUP WITH A BEAR:
• Admit you finally saw the end of “Grizzly Man”
• Say, “It’s not you, it’s I’m meat”
• Tell them you met someone who prevents forest fires
• Convert to park ranger
• Leave a note while they’re hibernating
• Don’t. It’s a fucking bear

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 12, 2018