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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Author: Sam Grittner

Posted on May 9, 2019August 8, 2019

If God didn’t want women to have abortions maybe God shouldn’t have created so many slutty men.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 10, 2019

Posted on May 4, 2019August 8, 2019

Look at the person to the left of you. Now look at the person to your right. Statistically speaking, by the time this weekend is over, all three of you will be running for President.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 4, 2019

Posted on May 3, 2019August 8, 2019

My five year plan is to just try and make it through today.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2019

Posted on April 28, 2019August 8, 2019

This the same face I make when I hear anyone get excited about Joe Biden. pic.twitter.com/YZiUysvN8l

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2019

Posted on April 27, 2019August 7, 2019

“We’re forming a union.” https://t.co/IGaKcT3oM8

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2019

Posted on April 25, 2019August 7, 2019

I want a woman who is
– Sexy
– Sturdy
– Flexible
– Funny
– Ergonomic
– Provides emotional support
– Provides lumbar support
– Doesn’t break when I sit on her
– Is definitely not a chair
– Has five wheels attached to her base

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 26, 2019

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