KANYE (tweeting): STAR WARS is just stupid. You never even find out who Luke’s father is. That’s some bullshit
JOHN LEGEND (texting): Ye, you need to finish watching the movie
*two hours later*
KANYE (tweeting): FAM! I got some news about Darth Vader!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2018
Jackie Chan’s full name is Jaccuzi Channing Tatum.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2018
“Comedians should stick to telling jokes! No, not like that…”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2018
Being sober feels like someone else released you from a jail cell that you sat in for years only to realize the door was unlocked the entire time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2018
Taking a break from Twitter taught me some invaluable lessons:
• No one cares if you leave
• No one cares if you come back
• This isn’t reality
• None of this matters
• It’s a toxic habit that has melted my brain like an Andes mint on the sun
• I’ll never leave again— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2018
What a beautiful day to stay inside reading tweets about what a gorgeous day outside it is by people staying inside.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 14, 2018