ME: I’m going to sleep
BRAIN: You’re going to be alone forever!
ME: What else is new?
BRAIN: Wait- what? Ummm… you’re a piece of shit and you know it!
ME: Yeah but kind of a delightful piece of shit
BRAIN:
ME: I’m broke and I’m weird. Anything else?
BRAIN: I’m going to sleep— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 30, 2017
The mirror in SNOW WHITE was the original SIRI.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 28, 2017
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 26, 2017
To everyone that can’t be or isn’t around their family today: I’m sorry and I wish you the best.
To everyone that is or has to be around their family today: I’m sorry and I wish you the best.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 25, 2017
DAD: Pass the stuffing
ME: *waits 20 minutes*
DAD: What’s the hold up?
ME: Give me $20
DAD: Are you out of your mind?
ME: Do you want me to explain Net Neutrality or not?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 24, 2017
the princess and the pea but it's just me, this futon and some yogurt
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 22, 2017