This Father's Day get him the gift he'll never forget: stop being a disappointment for one day out of your fucking life like your siblings
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 19, 2016
The best thing I ever did with my 20s was turn 30.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 18, 2016
I've been giving away my talents for free for decades fml pic.twitter.com/FMt9kcsVPf
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 17, 2016
What's your favorite type of tree? Mine is books.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 8, 2016
I would watch "The Bachelorette" if all the contestants had adult braces.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 7, 2016
I thought she was extraordinarily quiet but I dated a leather jacket for two years.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 25, 2016