I have great taste in horrible choices.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2016
Apparently I've been using umbrellas wrong for over three decades pic.twitter.com/2H4sGHvsdf
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 27, 2016
Password must be strong enough to raise three kids on its own.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 25, 2016
Hey Sweden, if you want to leave the E.U. just remember: a Swexit is when Patrick Swayze leaves a room, so you need a different name.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 24, 2016
The nice thing about comedy is that once you've proven yourself to be truly funny, all you have to do is that every day after that forever.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 24, 2016
Be the therapy your parents should have gone through twenty years ago.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 21, 2016