If you're in your 20s, you can save yourself years of regret by simply always doing the opposite of what your brain tells you to do.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 11, 2016
Aside from church, where's your least favorite place to get dunked on?
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 10, 2016
Message received, God. pic.twitter.com/PbTXkoU6kV
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2016
You're one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What’s not to like about birthdays?
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 6, 2016
Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 4, 2016
One of my biggest fears is that Ted Cruz is still in the race during the summer & we’ll be subjected to watching him “eat” an ice cream cone
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2016