who called them hayrides instead of autumnmobiles?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2014
FIRST DATE TIP: Always get the door for them. Rip it out of its hinges, plow right through it, burn it down. Show how much you hate doors.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2014
Sorry I didn't return your text for three weeks. My phone fell off the bed.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 24, 2014
"I like your mini snorkel."
"That's my inhaler."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 23, 2014
20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
30s: What the dick happened where is time going
40s: FUCK
50s: Fuck it
60s: Neat my skin's translucent— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 22, 2014
Please don't ever confuse me being a complete asshole with me thinking I'm better than anyone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 20, 2014