I asked my mom what she wanted today and she told me she just wanted me to be happy, so I'm on ecstasy, petting a dolphin.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 11, 2014
In Hell, the most beautiful things are happening all around you but you're forced to watch a loop of every time you stared at your phone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2014
Every day is Mother's Day when you're Oedipus
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2014
I broke my time machine next week 🙁
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 6, 2014
Anxiety feels like driving and realizing you're not holding the steering wheel but a pair of chopsticks that are on fire.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 6, 2014
Women should only have to pay 77 cents for anything at THE DOLLAR STORE
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 5, 2014