*gets down on one knee*
"Carry me?"— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2014
"It's my way or the my way." – person who invented the highway
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 19, 2014
Movies are so fake, like anybody really answers a phone or has kids anymore
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 16, 2014
Getting swept into a boring conversation is like softcore kidnapping.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 16, 2014
I wish Ann Coulter would finish staring into the Ark.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 13, 2014
"I like your tree's earring."
"That's a tire swing."— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 13, 2014