*goes to zoo*
*goes to hippo section*
*waits for security to pass by*
"Here's the stuff, boys!"
*feeds them so fucking many marbles*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 5, 2014
MTV TRUE LIFE: I USED TO WATCH MUSIC VIDEOS ON MTV
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 4, 2014
Dating to me feels like taking my driver's test. Even if I pass, I'm always afraid I'm going to crash the car
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 3, 2014
I'm the Michelle Jordan of sex changes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 2, 2014
Be safe tonight! And tomorrow. Pretty much all the time is a good idea, really.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 31, 2013
The person didn’t “invent” sliced bread so much as “used a knife.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 31, 2013