NEW X-GAMES:
*Motorcycle eating contest
*Sex in a burning helicopter
*Underwater skateboarding with lava sharks
*Death croquet— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 22, 2013
Thought I was starting to lose my hair but it's still safe and sound in the drawer by the window.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 21, 2013
The moment I hesitated when they asked me if I'd be willing to kill a person in cold blood, I knew I didn't get the job at the DMV.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 19, 2013
Abandoned websites are the new time capsules.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 18, 2013
GOD: "Did I ever tell you about the time I made it rain microwave ovens?"
JESUS: "No way!"
GOD: "… I wish we were real."
JESUS: "Me too."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 16, 2013
*Kanye runs into Jay-Z at RadioShack*
"J! If I'm here AND you're here then who's watching the-"
*Macklemore loads the Throne into a U-Haul*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 12, 2013