New Names for Hands:
•Grabbies
•Holdies
•Touch-a-rinos
•Turkey outliners
•Finger holders
•Phone homes— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 7, 2013
I would only be worried if the NSA was recording the conversations I pretend to have on my cellphone to avoid talking to actual people.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 6, 2013
Just saw Daniel Day-Lewis! Most people think it's just a palm tree but I know how he does.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 5, 2013
If ducks had tiny briefcases I would take them seriously but I still wouldn't let them represent me in any legal matters.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 2, 2013
I'm here to do eight things:
1) Nothing
2) Reverse-Pyschology
3) Eat gum
4) Get amnesia
Why do I have all this gum. Who are you?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 2, 2013
I bet Morgan Freeman calls his answering machine just to listen to the sweet, intoxicating sound that is his voice.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 31, 2013