I sure picked the wrong Presidency to get sober.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 24, 2018
What a time to be dead inside.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 23, 2018
Always a Danny McBride, never a Danny McBridesmaid.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 23, 2018
If my funeral is open casket my only request is that I have cucumber slices over my eyes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2018
It’s pretty weird that the only thing racists hate more than other races is being called a racist.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 20, 2018
BRITISH PERSON: Do you have royal weddings in America?
ME: A reality star that pushes pro-body dysmorphia products married a rapper who said slavery was a choice
BRITISH PERSON: Is that a yes?
ME: Honestly, I don’t know— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 19, 2018