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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Category: Joke of the Day

Posted on April 2, 2018April 7, 2018

If anyone needs me I’ll be making the same mistakes over and over again while wondering why nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 2, 2018

Posted on April 1, 2018April 7, 2018

Honestly, I wouldn't even die for my own sins.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 2, 2018

Posted on March 28, 2018March 30, 2018

“Live. Fast. Die young.” – Jesus Christ

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 28, 2018

Posted on March 26, 2018March 30, 2018

DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy?
ME: Yes I am
DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them
ME: Eve-
DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 26, 2018

Posted on March 25, 2018March 30, 2018

If you had told me on the day Trump was elected that not even two years into his Presidency he’d be embroiled in a sex scandal with a porn star who knows how to outmaneuver him I would’ve looked you square in the eyes and said, “That sounds about right.”

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 25, 2018

Posted on March 24, 2018March 25, 2018

The government isn’t going to take your fucking guns. It’s going to take your kids, arm them, and send them to die in WWIII because our President’s daddy didn’t love him.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 24, 2018

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