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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Category: Joke of the Day

Posted on October 11, 2016October 18, 2016

Never say the phrase "sexual conquest," unless you rode upon a mighty steed and thusly slayed a dragon before a Princess granted consent.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 11, 2016

Posted on October 10, 2016

Walk into a mansion today and inform the owners that it's yours now. Happy Columbus Day!

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 10, 2016

Posted on October 9, 2016October 10, 2016

TRUMP: Black lives *looks at hand* mothers

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 10, 2016

Posted on October 9, 2016

TRUMP: Have I fantasized about my daughter? Definitely. Am I perfect? Probably. Am I God? Absolutely
REPORTER: The question was about ISIS

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 9, 2016

Posted on October 8, 2016October 9, 2016

PAUL RYAN: I was fine with him calling women pigs, dogs, bimbos, fat, eating machines but this… this is still not enough to change my mind

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 8, 2016

Posted on October 6, 2016October 9, 2016

REPORTER: Would you make any changes to Air Force One?
GARY JOHNSON: No. They're incredibly sturdy shoes.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 6, 2016

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