I'm not above dying in a corn maze out of spite.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 1, 2016
I want a functioning jukebox in place of a headstone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 30, 2016
Tonight my Uber driver asked me why I was crying. When I said I wasn't he said, "on the inside." I left the biggest tip I've ever given.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 29, 2016
Sometimes I find myself wishing there were more hours in a day then I remember time doesn't exist then I check my watch and realize I'm late
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 27, 2016
When I die I'm donating my body to science but only if they promise to use it as a piñata.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 26, 2016
"This weekend is a celebration of a man who returns from the dead to save humanity."
"We don't know that Jon Snow is alive, slow your roll."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 25, 2016