Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Snitches get stitches, it's time you heard.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 14, 2015
Mark Ruffalo always looks like you just informed him that he died in a car crash.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 12, 2015
DEATH: "Your time has come."
ME: "Let me put some shoes on real quick."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 11, 2015
Why do hot dogs come in packs of six but man-buns only come in douchebags?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 9, 2015
Be the shut the fuck up you want to see in the world.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 6, 2015
A group of actors is called a restaurant.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 6, 2015