Why do we park on a driveway but I drive every relationship into the ground?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 5, 2015
EXECUTIONER: "Any last words?"
ME: *shows them cellphone screen* "Would you tweet that?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 3, 2015
Featured in Playboy’s Funniest Tweets of the Week
INMATE: "What are you in for?"
ME: "A real treat, I hope."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 3, 2015
ME: Okay brain it's just you and me, time to get to work.
BRAIN: And you are?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 2, 2015
Welcome to White Privilege 101, if you have no idea why you're here that's exactly why you're here.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 31, 2015
Books? I hate them. Always have, always will. No, the reason I became a librarian is I have a true passion for people shutting the fuck up.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 31, 2015