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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on March 26, 2015

"ALL PASSENGERS ARE REQUIRED TO START A DANCE PARTY" pic.twitter.com/mqbXZdNSq3

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 26, 2015

Posted on March 24, 2015March 26, 2015

Are you sure we're done talking you haven't made this conversation about yourself yet

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 25, 2015

Posted on March 24, 2015March 26, 2015

"EMPLOYEES MUST HIDE INSIDE GIANT GREETING CARD" pic.twitter.com/aMNaFM9lwe

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 24, 2015

Posted on March 23, 2015March 26, 2015

COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
ME: "It's karaoke night and you need a partner."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 24, 2015

Posted on March 20, 2015

"Stuff that alligator in that dolphin" – God creating sharks

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 20, 2015

Posted on March 19, 2015March 20, 2015

*bank robbery*
*robber slides note to teller*
TELLER: "This is a grocery list."
ROBBER: "Not again."
[cut to grocery store]
GF: "Not again."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 19, 2015

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