Therapist: "Why do you think you are the way you are?"
Me: "I gotta be honest: I thought I was paying you to do the thinking around here."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 8, 2015
Dear Lord, please grant me the gift to ball so hard. Amen.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 7, 2015
Time to turn the old bed off and go to phone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 7, 2015
Remember: When you write with a writing partner you're not just writing with them you're writing with every partner they ever partnered with
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 7, 2015
VALENTINE'S DAY TIP: We all die alone
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 6, 2015
*doctor delivers baby*
*newborn is handed a gun and a bible*
Doctor: "You're on your own now buddy"
[narrator: "Vote Republican"]— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 4, 2015