if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2014
The last rule of Fight Club is a kiss goodnight
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2014
"It's a mustache for your eye!" – God pitching eyebrows
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2014
Kanye getting angrier and angrier because shuffle mode isn't playing his songs in the order he wants
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2014
I could never do an orgy. I don't even like sharing an appetizer.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2014
Steve Buscemi always looks like you just told him he has to move back in with his parents
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 27, 2014