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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on August 2, 2014August 10, 2014

"How are you?"
"Can't complain."
"Really?"
"Yeah it's a condition that I was born with."
"What's it like?"
"It sucks how amazing it is."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 3, 2014

Posted on July 31, 2014August 10, 2014

Our eyes locked when we were both trying to avoid eye contact with everyone.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 31, 2014

Posted on July 30, 2014August 10, 2014

*batman voice*
Yes I tried unplugging it

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 30, 2014

Posted on July 29, 2014July 31, 2014

With enough anxiety you can change any room into an emergency room

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 29, 2014

Posted on July 28, 2014July 31, 2014

"Instagram it then take me to the hospital. I'm losing blood so choose a filter on the way."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 29, 2014

Posted on July 25, 2014July 31, 2014

Hello God. Hello Margaret. It's me Satan, I've got you both on speaker…

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 25, 2014

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