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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on July 13, 2018July 30, 2018

Anybody want to '96 tonight? That's where you listen to 'Wonderwall' and pretend like you have an economic future.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 13, 2018

Posted on July 12, 2018July 30, 2018

Great news: I’m severely depressed again! Fortunately I have a little trick up my sleeve called, “Letting it dictate my entire day.”

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 12, 2018

Posted on July 10, 2018July 30, 2018

I’m trying my best to stay optimistic but *vaguely gestures at everything*

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 10, 2018

Posted on July 9, 2018July 30, 2018

HIGHLIGHTS FROM CONVERSATION W/POTENTIAL LANDLORD:
• He had the “#1 rap song in Romania for 2 years” (refused to tell me its name)
• Is convinced every woman in Williamsburg is a lesbian (but he doesn’t judge)
• Told me the best places for “a $15 Charlie Brown” (aka hand job)

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 10, 2018

Posted on July 8, 2018July 30, 2018

An MTA worker just physically escorted a guy out of the last train on the Q and while he was being walked away he yelled, “I WASN’T THROWING HOT DOGS AT PEOPLE! I WAS TOSSING THEM!” God bless you, Verbiage.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 8, 2018

Posted on July 7, 2018July 8, 2018

My Uber driver just ran three red lights and hasn’t said a single word to me. If he hits a fruit cart and keeps driving I’m gonna have to marry him.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 7, 2018

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