Look at the person to the left of you. Now look at the person to your right. Statistically speaking, by the time this weekend is over, all three of you will be running for President.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 4, 2019
My five year plan is to just try and make it through today.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2019
This the same face I make when I hear anyone get excited about Joe Biden. pic.twitter.com/YZiUysvN8l
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2019
“We’re forming a union.” https://t.co/IGaKcT3oM8
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2019
I want a woman who is
– Sexy
– Sturdy
– Flexible
– Funny
– Ergonomic
– Provides emotional support
– Provides lumbar support
– Doesn’t break when I sit on her
– Is definitely not a chair
– Has five wheels attached to her base— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 26, 2019
I’m just looking for a woman that’s
• always chill
• loves pizza
• into the occult
• has no problem bludgeoning me to death
• will bring me back from the dead just to have sex with me before she kills me again
• cries blood
• is 100% a witch
• did I mention PIZZA?! ???— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 23, 2019