Being an adult feels like you've been tasked to vacuum up every last bit of sand from a beach.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 20, 2015
Women, in honor of International Men's day tomorrow, tell every man you see to smile more and take 30% of the money he has on him.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 19, 2015
Your first day in prison, you go up to the biggest guy there and you start a 'zine. You'll be respected and have an outlet for your poetry.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 18, 2015
GOP: All life matters at the moment of conception
SYRIAN REFUGEES: Please help us
GOP: Where would you get such a fucking crazy idea?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 16, 2015
*stares at cellphone almost all-day, every day*
"Well, time to watch that fictional show about zombies."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 15, 2015
Don't talk to me until I've had my morning.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 13, 2015