My milkshake is barren. My yard is littered with bones. The wind is filled with ash. The sky thunders with bass. Happy hour starts at 8pm.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 25, 2015
I accidentally mixed coconut water with some cucumber water and a yoga instructor appeared out of nowhere.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 25, 2015
"THANKS BUT NO THANKS" – Schrödinger's Thank You Cards
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 24, 2015
*job interview*
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Giving you your bonus for hiring me."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 22, 2015
Who are we kidding? We're going to be such terrible ghosts. We'll haunt bars instead of bedrooms and never shut up about how tired we are.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 22, 2015
*at orgy*
"DOES ANYONE KNOW THE WIFI PASSWORD?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2015